matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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