girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
