just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize