I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
