I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
