I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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