You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
