I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
