I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
