I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
