u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
