I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
