when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
