I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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