Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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