so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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