He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
