So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
