Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
