Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
