"it" just moved
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
