well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
