kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
