i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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