trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
