dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
