i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
