if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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