So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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