Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
