i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
