So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Semen is not good for contacts.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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