Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
