I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We got so high we made milksteak
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
