Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
