I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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