About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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