did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sext me about skeletons
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
