May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
