went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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