Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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