A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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