So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
