it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
