My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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