I CAN MOONWALK!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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