I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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