ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
