omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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