The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i think my cat just said my name.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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