Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
